Till Perfect Day

2006-05-10T03:14:00.004-07:00

I think things have begun to slow down enough for me to begin once again to enter entries into my blog. A few days ago I was driving along the heavily wooded area near Ray's house, on my way to the gym, when a 300 pound buck darted its way right into the side of my car. I don't think the buck saw my car since the car is black and it was beginning to get dark outside. The buck came out of nowhere! I was talking on my cell phone when I felt a strong blow to the car and the car began to spin out of control. There was a huge explosion as glass flew all over me and the insides of the car. I was able to get control of the car and a little ways further I checked to see the damage and if I had gotten at all hurt from the broken glass. I was very very lucky that nothing happened to me. The driver's seat door wouldnt close. I found out later at the collision center that was, at least, a thousand dollars damage. As of right now I'm driving a rental-a 2006 Chrysler Sebring (I think its called). It runs very smoothly; its a nice car although it feels like an "old man's" car but i'm just glad that I am mobile and can get around without having to worry about cops stopping me. Besides bending the side of the car, smashing the window, and the door not opening; the rear view mirror was torn off and that in itself is a violation in which I could get stopped and given a ticket. On the brighter side, Ray hosted a visit from one of the New Orleans Courage members. Allen came to visit Houston; he said he had never been to Texas. I joined them on a little excursion to Galveston. It was a very pleasant little trip; we ate at a really nice Seafood Restaurant ( it was me, Ray, Allen, and another friend Ron). We stated at the historical hotel the Hotel Galvez. The room was very nice overlooking the sea; and we also visited the Moody Gardens (the rainforest pyramid and the Aquarium). We also got to see a 3-D cartoon of Spongbob and this Ridefilm (basically it was this ride where the seats kinda way and that way and your watching the screen) and it feels like your actually moving! Afterwards that night we ate at Pappasito's (Allen said he wanted to eat Mexican food since there aren't many authentic Mexican food restaurants in New Orleans). A few of the other Courage members came to the restaurant and it was nice to see some of my old friends again. I had the other Courage members understand that I respected Chastity and Celibacy and hoped that they would be a part of my life someday but that right now that wasn't my reality and that a part of me had little desire or willpower for it and that I was investigating sexual and intimacy issues .They were all very supportive and understanding of where I was at with the goals of Courage. It's going to be two weeks since I stopped all communication with M. I have felt tremendously sad over it and fearful of losing my connection with him. I have also missed the dogs and have felt as if a part of me is missing. Its almost like walking around with no leg or something. I guess that's the way it feels when your heart has been so involved with someone. He has been like a dear family member to me and its made me really sad not to be able to know how he is doing from day to day, hour to hour. The last remaining days of our acquaintance I was looking for a sign of vulnerablity from him. If he had opened his heart and revealed his true feelings for me at the risk of feeling stupid or even exposing himself to hurt I would have never left. I wanted to see a sign of docility and sincerity coming from him. That was not to be and instead I was feeling more ignored and unappreciated by him. I was constantly getting my feelings hurt by every little thing he did or didn't do. It got to the point where I thought I needed to address it and that is when I went to see a fellow Warrior and Catholic priest and he suggested a sabbitical from the relationship. I don't know how he is faring in the last two weeks but perhaps I am wrong but I have felt that my presence was a ray of sunshine in his life. Perhaps he doesn't feel about me in that way and if so I wish him happiness.

2006-05-10T03:14:00.001-07:00

2006-05-10T03:14:00.000-07:00

2006-04-30T21:38:00.000-07:00

Note: Because of Finals New Entries will not be posted till after Wednesday. Stay turned for new developments in my life. I had written an entry about a week and a half ago about my Favorite and Least Favorite things and I somehow deleted the whole thing! It took me a long time to write it. Anyways, alot of things have happened and are happening. Some unfortunately sad. I hope to write about all these things are a more frequent basis soon. More later.

2006-03-17T07:25:00.000-08:00

Do Not Love The World I'm so surprised that I have allowed so much time to pass before entering something new in my blog! Nothing new here just a bit scattered as always! Alot of temptations and interior trials and not alot of motivation to study or finish whatever I get started. There has also been alot of attention seeking which is very useless. It's been all very discouraging that I can't just quiet my mind. Last night I was meditating on these words in 1 John: "Do not love the world or the things of the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, sensual lust, enticement of the eyes, and a pretentious life, is not from the Father but is from the world. Yet the world and its enticements are passing away" (15-17). These verses have been my bread and water and keep coming to me over and over again. Sensual lust literally is the "lust of the flesh", or an inordinate desire for physical gratification. I can definitely accuse myself of this one! "Enticement of the eyes" is avarice or covetousness. "Pretentious life" literally can be translated as "the pride of life", an arrogance and seeking of approval of others. These words deeply resonated within me, this is what Thomas Merton described his tryst with the world in his autobiography Seven Story Mountain: "(I) walked out into the world that I thought I was going to ransack and rob of all its pleasures and satisfactions. I had done what I intended and now I found that it was I who was emptied and robbed and gutted. What a strange thing! In filling myself, I had emptied myself. In grasping things, I had lost everything. In devouring pleasures and joys, I had found distress and anguish and fear."

2006-02-26T21:33:00.000-08:00

My Considerations of "Agape"
"Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
its does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (from the First Epistle to the Corinthians Xiii 4-8, Reading for Quinquagesima Sunday).

It is the Eve of the beginning of Great Lent and this is the Epistle Reading for this Sunday. Charity and Agape are being brought forward over and over again for my consideration.
Since I have been here at Ray's I am constantly having to meditate on my Love Walk and how has it been? Have I loved selflessly? Has my love for others been ordered towards the True Good which is God? Have I modeled a Christ-like love? Have I tried to be patient and kind?
Love is such a deep and unfathomable subject! I have to confess that I have much work to do when it comes to this virtue.

Without Agape ultimately any other kind of "love" in the end will fail. Agape is selfless and sacrificing; it desires to pour itself out on the other. Agape is not separated from the love of God
in many ways it parallels the Divine. Love is not mere sentimentality; it is a principled form of conduct. It is defined by our love for the souls of others. Hence True Love is rightly ordered and directed towards Objective Truth. To live fully in Love Communion is ultimately a call to Holiness-to be like God. "Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten of God and knows God." (1 John 4:7).

There are many counterfeits of love today. Some border on illusion, obession and attachment.
Others are honest and sincere enough but not true love. True friendship desires us to seek the highest good of our friend. For myself part of my "consideration" was around right relationship.
For the Christian, love must consistently and ultimately be directed towards the salvation and sanctification of the beloved. The best for the Christian is the road to holiness, however painful that may be, however great the sacrifices it may demand. Hence, for those that take Christ as their Guru Love is Tough!

Unfortunately, the offering of this Agape Love that I speak is seldom appreciated, often criticized and frequently rejected. It is usually most expressly rejected by those who are most painfully aware of their need for love. For many Agape is unplatable; they run away from such descriptions of love only to embrark on a painful, frustating and futile search for real love.
Christ saids walk the straight path and enter by the narrow gate.

2006-02-20T19:08:00.000-08:00

A Little Raft on the Sea

Hello to All. This week looks hopeful that I will be able to find time and space for reflection on where to go in the direction of my life. The last week has left me feeling somewhat rootless and full of interior stuggles and strong tempations. Mike's roomate is leaving for a week and Ray is going on a retreat to Louisiana so I am hoping to spend my time mediating, reading, studying and listening to good books on tape. I pray that I might gain some insight and mindfulness and that a period of rest can be bestowed on my life. I have written a few major entries in my blog among them The Myth of Scientism, The Mind and Ayurveda and Mindfulness Training I am thinking about writing an entry on what in Ancient Christianity the Apostolic Fathers called "The Passions" very soon so stay tuned.

2006-02-13T18:40:00.000-08:00

The Jewel of True "Agape" Christ-like Love in Relationship

Hello to All! It's going to be a solid two weeks since I wrote anything in my blog. I seem to be a perfectionist when it comes to writing and I prefer my ideas to be linear and well set instead of the impromtu-garbled stream of consciousness that seems a part of writing your thoughts just "from the top of your head". The last year for many reasons that I will soon reveal has been a year of internal restlessness which has made me question the distinction between true and false forms of love, the role of sexuality and its appropriateness to spiritual expression, the use and misuse of freedom of choice ("it is only in freedom that man can turn to what is good [Gaudium et Spes, 11]) and a myriad of other concerns dealing with a profound consideration of relationship. Here below are some axioms in which are helping to set forth my vision of what is good and right for my life:

"Only the one who is able to be demanding with himself in the name of love can also demand love from others." Comment: It is only when we begin to arouse ourselves from illusions and false conceptions that we can begin to make the wonderful discovery of what brings true joy and peace in the unity of a true love of self and others hence the 'Agape" conception of love of the Greeks.

"Ulilitarianism is a civilization of production and of use, a civilization in which persons are used in the same way that things are used."

"A genuine love is one in which the true essence of love is realized -a love which is directed to a genuine (not merely an apparent) good."

"To be able to rely on another person as a friend who will never prove false, is for the person who loves a source of peace and joy."

"It is not enough to long for a person as a good for oneself, one must also, and above all, long for that persons good."

"Mere pleasure, mere sensual enjoyment is not a good which binds and unites people for long."

"People should always carefully 'verify' their love before exchanging declarations."

"Love as experience should be subordinated to love as virtue, so much so that without love as virtue there can be no fullness in the experience of love."

"Nor yet is love really love when it is merely an emotional attitude to a human being."

"Love is put to the test most severely when the sensual and emotional reactions themselves grow weaker, and sexual values as such lose their effect. Nothing then remains except the values of the person, and the inner truth about the love of those concerned comes to light.
If their love is a true gift of self, so that they each belong to the other, it will not only survive but grow stronger, and sink deeper roots. Whereas if it was never more than a sort of synchronization of sensual and emotional experiences it will lose its reason for being and the persons involved will find themselves in a vacuum."

2006-01-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

Mindfulness Training with Jack Kornfield

Today is the last day of the month and I'm looking back at January and seeing that I was not able to post alot of entries. As I related in the last entry I had been suffering alot of discomfort
due to illness. It was during this time that I was able to listen to a wonderful set of talks by Jack Kornfield, a clinical psychologist with experience in Buddhist meditation.

I had bought a set of tapes a few years ago titled "Buddhist Psychology" by Jack Kornfield. I lent the tapes to Martin and he enjoyed them very much; listening to them in his car over and over again and it was because of him that I gained a deeper appreciation for the profoundness of this great teacher's words.

One of the teachings that stood out for me was the one with working with negative emotions and being mindful of when they arise; realizing them and identifying them. For example, if fear arises I don't try to fight it or resist it when it makes its appearance but acknowledge it and identify it "Fear. Fear." The point is not in trying to escape it but be present to all mental states; whether they are positive ones or negative; to be present to the "ten thousands sorrows and ten thousand joys".

Jack Kornfield saids that one of the interesting things that happens is we will feel the fear, we will be scared but whelther it takes 15 sittings or 80 sittings (sittings meaning meditations) or however many are necessary one day when fear arises we will be able to experience the emotion and not be jilted. "Fear Welcome! I know you! "

I have just completed the other day the six CD presentation by Jack Kornfield "The Art of Meditation". It was very helpful for my day to listen to his very kind voice in these series of talks. The talks really set the tone for spiritual practice and cultivation at work and school and whatever I have been experiencing. I plan to replay the series again and mine more of its teachings. It seems one always gets something new each time one listens.

I was also listening again the first tape in the series by Pema Chodron "Noble Heart". What stood out for me was the practice of "Good Heart" and which one thinks of people one feels particular gratitude for or compassion and this opens the heart. Even if we are stuck in very negative emotions of fear or unforgiveness "Good Heart" is still there but in a frozen state. We can see it much like water. Water is water whelther its in its liquid form, gaseous or frozen.
Sometimes we might be very much tied to these hard emotions and feel like we are not able to manifest "Good Heart"but everyone can begin to bring into fruition "Good Heart" even in little ways. As Pema Chondron saids, "Everyone likes something even if its only tortillas!"

The other teaching which was particularly dear was the practice of the desire for "Bodhichitta".
"Bodhichitta" means "Enlightened Mind". It is also the desire that all sentient beings be happy and be free of the root of suffering. One of the ways we can unveil "Bodhichitta" is through the cultivation of the three Noble Principles of "Good in the Beginning" "Good in the Middle" and "Good at the End".

I will explain "Good in the Beginning" is to imbue everything you do with an attitude of compassion. One brings the Power of Intention to the forefront here. I was able to do this with what I do at the Vitamin Shoppe and studying for school. Simply its bringing intention with alignment that I desire to promote happiness and end suffering. "May whatever I do this day or here at work or in studying be of benefit to all sentient beings." Its a form of Daily Offering and Accumlation of Merit.

On another note, all those that know me know of my passion for knowledge and my love for books. I discovered the other day that I had $5.00 still on my Half Price Books Giftcard that Martin had given me last year for Christ-Mass. The other day I was walking around looking for more Books on Tape when I found an old out-of-print book that is suppose to be rare by Adi Da (formerly known then as Buddha Free John). Here is the full title of the book "Love of the Two-Armed Form (The Free and Regenerative Function of Sexuality in Ordinary Life, and The Trancedence of Sexuality in True Religious or Spiritual Practice). Being that my Sexuality has been a point of discord in my life; the views of great religious and philosophical thinkers on the subject have been of great interest to me; ranging from Cardinal Wojtyla (Pope John Paul II) "Love and Responsiblity" to Wilhelm Reich's "The Function of the Orgasm". I have wanted to gather data and hopefully truth on the subject besides dialogue and interior discussion. I don't know if the book will prove any good but the Table of Contents looked good. As I've said before, this is a profound subject in one the world needs much guidance in. He saids in the book, "The spiritual practice of life is not possible without prior and real maturity in emotional-sexual life."

2006-01-20T20:44:00.000-08:00

The Influenza Blues

Hello to all! It has been over a week since I posted an entry in this blog. About a week ago I was running fevers and having to pass through a bout of influenza; from the projected maps on the Net it seems we have just entered the season when the Flu is getting the strongest. The illness threw my body off center and I still have a residue of a persistent cough. The Panic Disorder has also returned with queasy stomach, lack of appetite and nausea that comes and goes throughout the day. All of this has been disconcerting because I just haven't felt well, to the point I have called sick to work three times and felt very anxious, tired and not wanting to do anything at all.
I have summed up the strength to do things just because they have to be done and it really doesn't help to just sit around and do nothing.

2006-01-11T21:45:00.000-08:00

Scientism and the Myth of Progress

We hear much these days about progress, about how much we've progressed and in order to have an "open" mind one must be deeemed "progressive". The notion causes us to question what is Progress? and most importantly, what are we progressing too?

The advocates and defenders of this so-called progress rally behind the banner of scientism. Today's belief in an endless progress tends towards an almost total rejection of the spritual

wisdom of the religious traditions of the world as outmoded, passe, and contary to empirical evidence. The infectious mindsent of modernism has so premeated our society that it is very difficult for us to see clearly the numerous errors that we

subjectively hold and have been taught.

Modern thought is based on the premise in the centrality of material or physical reality

and the primacy of the rational faculty and the experimental method as the only means of

human knowledge. These assumptions about existence beg us to ask the questions: Is material

reality the only form of reality? Is the rational faculty the only faculty or indeed the central

faculty of man? Is the most profound and complete definition of human nature given by our

knowledge only of material things? These questions will be pondered and answered in continuing followups to this subject since a reply would be otherwise to lengthy in this

introductory discussion.

One thing can be said, the loss of the transparent dimension, the very transparency of symbols

(for example, the very failure of the ecclesastics of the Roman Catholic Church to

understand the mystic meanings of their ancient liturgy by replacing it with an antiquarian

experimental variant) and a lack of awareness of our origins has led us to ask science for

what only religion and philosophy can truly answer. Although there are plenty of truths

that explain the "how" of existence and modern science offers these in abundance they

are not to be confused with Truth (with a capital T) as to the "why" of existence and the

first and final cause of things.

Instead of being concerned for the practical things of everyday life Science is gradually

being replaced by a profane lust for a dominion and power over nature. This can be

seen in the cloning experiments. We can only ask what else are they secretly experimenting

in the lab? The horror movies of yesterday are perhaps not far off in their predictions of a

Prometheus Unbound or some other abhorrent biological test gone wrong.

The philosopher Frithjof Schuon gives us the deepest insight into the current situation when he

saids, "Once Heaven was closed and man was in effect installed in God's place, the objective

measurement of things were, virtually lost or actually lost. They were replaced by subjective

measurements, purely human and conjectural pseudo values and thus man became involved

in a movement of a kind that cannot be halted, since, in the absence of celestial and stable

values, there is no longer any reason for calling a halt, so that in the end a stage is reached

at which human values are replaced by infra-human values, up to a point at which the very

idea of truth is abolished. "

2006-01-10T22:03:00.000-08:00

These are just a few of my recommendations to anyone who wants to know the truth of what is going in the world today. Here are just a few thinkers and books that have influenced me in reeducating myself against the Nihilist/Relativist philosophies that are reigning supreme in our day and age. Soon I hope to provide links.
Read anything you can get your hands on by Rene Guenon, Ananda Coomarasway, Rama Coomarasway, Frithjof Schuon, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Dietrich von Hilderbrand, Hilaire Belloc, The Patristic Fathers of Early Christianity, Josef Pieper, Reginald Garrogou-LaGrange, Max Picard, Jacques Maritain, St. Augustine,the pre-Conciliar Popes, etc.

1) Ideas Have Consequences-Richard Weaver
2) Nihilism-The Root of the Modern Revolution by Eugene Rose
3) The Crisis of the Modern World by Rene Guenon
4) The Art of Being and Becoming by Hazrat Inayat Khan
5) The Way of A Pilgrim written by anonymous Russian Orthodox pilgrim
6) Usury and also The Servile State by Hilaire Belloc
7) The New Tower of Babel (Modern Man's Flight from God)
by Dr. Dietrich Von Hilderbrand
8) Not of this Word (The Life and Teaching of Father Seraphim Rose) by Monk
Damascene
9) When Healing Becomes A Crime (the Amazing story of the Hoxsey Cancer
Clinics) by Kenny Ausubel
10) Mysticism by Evenlyn Underhill
11) Inventing the AIDS Virus by Dr. Peter Duesberg
12) ProLife Answers to ProChoice Arguments by Randy Alcorn
13) The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky
14) Autography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda
15) Leisure the Basis of Culture by Josef Pieper

2006-01-10T19:45:00.000-08:00

Understanding the Mind According to Vedic Science

I have been considering to write an article or two for this blog but the bout with the flu has prevented me from diverting all my intellectual powers to the task. During one of my feverish episodes I felt my mind racing and clouded with what seemed to be; for lack of better words a form of "static". I noticed that some of the music that I had been listening to all day especially some of the rock music was constantly playing over and over in my head. But the continuous replaying of this "static " seemed to scramble the mind. The mind could not reach a state of pacificity, direction, or resolution. It reminded me of a book I had read not to long ago Ayurveda and the Mind (The Healing of Consciousness) where a respected author on Vedic science and Yogic Spirituality notes that it is very important to guard the mind of certain Impressions since impressions provide (just like food to the physical body) nutrients to the mind. The mind just like the body has its cycle of nutrition and takes in substances to build it up and releases waste materials in the form of negative emotions.

Most of us consider what is good and healthy in feeding our bodies but seldom do we consider what is necessary for good mental health. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we don't understand the purpose of our sexual faculites and neither do we comprehend our own minds. We do not nourish our minds properly and so our minds become distorted and instead of seeking truth and divine knowledge we become bewildered into ephemeral pleasure seeking and hankering. To transform the mind we must change what we feed it.

Mental nutrition consists first of all, Dr. David Frawley saids in the food we take in. From what I've learned this would consist of pure water, plenty of fruits and vegetables, avoidance of processed foods, etc. The second level of nourishment would include what we take in through the senses. The Book of Proverbs warns us to guard ourselves from impressions (be they associations and images) "with all watchfulness keep thy heart, because life issueth out from it (4:23)."

The mind according to Vedic science consists of the Outer Mind (Manas) which functions similiarly to the stomach in bringing in impressions; here they are organized into the Buddhi ( or Intelligence or Discernment aspect of the mind). One here is once again reminded of the appetitive and incisive powers of the soul of the Patristic Fathers (see the Philokalia). Once Intelligence has digested our impressions they move into experience or memory into a much deeper aspect Consciousness called Chitta. Negative emotions are considered undigested material that arises in the subconscious and must and one form or another be delt with.

Detoxifing the Mind

Just as fasting releases accumulations of waste materials for the physical body; fasting from impressions does the same for the mind. Once the intake of impressions ceases the mind empties itself out. The requirements for this type of detoxification require deep thinking, a curiosity to know the truth of things and silence. Dr. Frawley saids, "Eliminating toxins from the consciousness involves stopping their intake, which requires control of the mind and senses. Then it requires directing the light of intelligence within to burn up the wrong experiences" (p. 175). Another way that the mind is purified is through crying "a sincere flow of tears" that bring about a change of heart and a healing to negative emotions.

The saying of prayers such as the Jesus Prayer (Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me) or Hare Krsna Mahamantra are said to move accumulated toxins of inertia and ignorance by imprinting a deeper consciousness of goodness into the Chitta. Such prayers change the fabric of the mind so that it can be more receptive to higher spiritual influences.

Our senses are feeding us constantly; it is out of this material that determines who we are and what we will become. Many times we are so entralled in the world of sense that we fail to observe what is happening to us through our sensory interactions. We must remember that the impressions we take in affect our behavior and that the reception of impressions is a subtle form of eating. Our impressions are easier to change than our thoughts and emotions.

We can find positive impressions that expand the mind and give it peace and clarity through nature, genuine art and spirituality. Negative impressions are like junk food that only distort the mind.

2006-01-09T17:50:00.000-08:00

I thought this photograph was so cute I just had to post it on here!

2006-01-07T20:26:00.000-08:00

I'm writing in this blog with an uncoming cold. I was surprised by its onset but now I understand how sensitive my body is to heat and cold and I haven't been getting enough rest lately as I should. I've been experiencing aches and chills and don't believe I will be able to go to work tomorrow if I continue feeling ill. With that being said I wanted to speak about something that is very much on my heart and has been for a very very long time; and that is the simple admittance that I don't understand sexuality. The world is in a very confused place too because it doesn't understand the purpose and mystery of Sex. All my life the only thing I understood about sex was that it felt good and that it was like thirst or hunger; a basic human primodial need.

Since a child I always knew that I had same-sex attraction (more later in future blogs as to what I believe was the origin of my orientation). Sex or the orgasm meant release from pressure, a high, an escape. But there is alot more that can be said about the "sexual urge". In future blogs I plan to delve into this subject by expounding different views and theories on sexuality in the hopes to bring light to myself and others that might be reading and in order to arrive at an understanding of its proper place.

2006-01-06T22:04:00.000-08:00

"He who truly loves God considers himself a wanderer and newcomer on earth." - St. Seraphim of Sarov

2006-01-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

My Creed

As I mentioned before I had little inclination to make this blog an online diary; considering that perhaps a bit cheesy. I wanted to write about bits and pieces of different things in the hopes that after a while all of these parts would come together into a coherent whole; right now there is a minimal amount of material making the blog appear garbled. At the same time I do plan to write something of my everyday experience since out of it the substance and gist of the subjects discussed in my blog derive their true life. I'm sure that what I write about may appear distasteful to some who may visit my site. Be it as it may, I cannot please everyone or be all things to all people. It was a concern to me how I would appear to some people when my deepest inner thoughts would be so publically revealed.

For me one of the most imporant aspects of my life is Divine Peace and Order. I believe that the Goal of Life is to arrive at Purity of Heart and Love of God; and the Fruit of this is Devotion to All that is True, Beautiful and Morally Good and that their is a True Way to arrive at this Beatific Vision. All our Thoughts, Actions, and Words are to Ideally be directed Back to Godhead.
We can make a Choice weather to belong to the City of God that blossoms outside Time and Space in the Eighth Day of Eternity --the Heavenly Jerusalem or whether we will belong to the City of Man and the Devil. The City of God loves God to the extinction of self while the City of Man love self to the extinction of God.

I also believe in all of those unpopular not very politically correct terms: Sacrifice, Renunciation, Self-Control, Crucificixion, Repentance, etc. I believe in the Perennial Philosophy found in All Religions that what is Truth and Wisdom in all of them is congrugous to God's Holy Spirit. My identity is not found solely in my sexuality as someone with same-sex attraction but my identity is found in my relationship with the Supreme Lord hence before all else I am a Christian. I believe in Absolute Truth; that we are all bound by ethical norms that are objective.

I don't believe in forcing my opinions on anyone but I believe I should be given my choice to do
what I believe is right for me and my greater happiness. I also believe that while I must be openminded to the reality of others; others should be open to my truth too. I am responsible for my own happiness and not anyone elses.

I believe that God has given us Revelation and we are to live not by our own made up rules; we don't have the right to pick and choose. Truth is not some Cafeteria where we can fit what suits us and discard the rest. We are to live by Supreme Dictation; to make such a "god of our understanding" is Idolatry. In our Fallen State there will be some Truths that will be unpalatable to us but through living in Sanctifying Grace we are given the strength to arrive at Dispassion. I believe that living solely for this life is practical but shortsighted and that being Not of This World is even better.

2006-01-05T22:20:00.000-08:00

Two of the books written by Dr. Hulda Regehr Clark Ph.D. Decide for yourself...is she speaking the truth about Cancer, AIDS and all Diseases?
The books cover a great deal of the etiology and pathogenesis of parasites and the necessity of cleansing oneself of enviromental toxins.

2006-01-05T21:13:00.000-08:00

Medicine-

The Cause of All Diseases-Parasites!

Since I started this blog I have found myself somewhat obligated to find an interesting topic to write about. Most of the time I find myself suffering from what is called Writer's Block; wanting to express myself but finding myself with little knowledge about a said subject. Perhaps a remedy for this obstruction in creativity is to write and write about everything; so as to allow a free flow of ideas to take form and place.

A few days ago a customer came into the health food store I work at and was looking for different herbal remedies to kill parasites and household products free from solvents and other contaminants. I noticed the book she was reading was by a Dr. Hulda Regehr Clark- The Cure for All Cancers. I was somewhat familiar with her work and also knew she had written another book similiar to the one the lady at the store was holding in her hand titled The Cure for HIV and AIDS. Of all the health writers I have encountered being in the business of Natural Medicine her books are perhaps the most dubious. I would advise any reader of Dr. Hulda Regehr Clark to not take any of the medical information about cancer or HIV at face value and exercise caution. Her claim that one can cure oneself of HIV by killing a certain fluke that lives in the body is at most irresponsible, dangerous and misleading claim. Nevertheless, there are a few good and valid points that she does make that can be attested to by research in this field.

Intestinal parasites are common even in the United States. Among the most common of these parasites is a pinworm that is slender, long and white that lives in the appendix and colon. Only about 1 percent of persons living in the United States have pinworms but it is believed that in some areas it could be as much as 12 percent. The most well known pinworm goes by the name of Enterobius vermicularis. Worldwide, the Centers of Disease Control say 1 billion people are affected by the Ascaris, the roundworm. The fluke that Dr. Clark claims causes cancer and AIDS is called Fasciolopsis buskii. This fluke is harmless as long as it lives in the intestines but once it invades a different organ like the liver or uterus it can be deadly. In her book The Cure for HIV and AIDS, for example, Dr. Clark asserts the if the fluke establishes itself in the thymus that is what causes AIDS!

There are three herbs that can kill any parasites by creating for the worms an inhospitable enviroment these are Cloves, Wormwood (from the Artemesia shrub) and Black Walnut (from the Black Walnut tree). It is recommended that they be used together. Black walnut hull and wormwood kill developmental lavae and adults of at least 100 parasites.

2006-01-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

Religion-
Quote of the Day:

"God is Dead in the hearts of modern man: this is what the "death of God" means, and it is as true of the atheists and Satanists who rejoice in the fact, as it is of the unsophisticated multitudes in whom the sense of the spiritual reality has simply disappeared. Man has lost faith in God and the Divine Truth that once sustained him; the apostasy to worldliness that has characterized the modern age since its beginning becomes, conscious of itself and finds words to express itself. "God is Dead": that is to say, "we have lost our faith in God"; "there is no truth": that is to say, "we have become uncertain of everything divine and absolute." -Fr. Seraphim Rose, Russian Orthodox monk

2006-01-04T19:58:00.000-08:00

Introduction

In beginning to write I realized that alot of my friends and acquaintances that had started similar blogs had directed their writing towards an autobiographical account of their lives. I have always been a private person and have been hesistant towards exposing myself outwardly. There have been some situations occurring in my life that I have made me remain restless and conflicted. This blog is an effort to explain life and reality to myself; in order to arrive at an understanding of what I need to truly be happy and clear about who I am and my purpose in this life. Some of the problems that I wrestle with will take a great deal of study, reflection and prayer. I know that some of the existential problems dealt with in this blog will create controversy and perhaps a condemnation. It would be helpful to remind those reading these entries that some of the subject matter is not necessarily my definite opinion but a "weighing" and consideration of the topic at hand. At this point, because of the profoundity of the subject matter and the great matter of time needed to research and contemplate its various points; there will be one essay per week.

2006-01-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

New Year Recovery Party, Pema Chondron and Buddhism

The New Year came in a mellow but quite distinct fashion. I was invited to a New Year's Party
that consisted mostly of persons that had recovered from alcohol and drug addiction. During the visit I was able to hear several stories of recovery and sobriety. The stories and the way they were expressed became a very Buddhist experience for me. It reminded me of the profound talks given by Jack Kornfield and Pema Chodron (a Tibetan Buddhist nun ).

Pema Chodron reminds us, for example, of The Noble Heart; that we can use our experiences and the circumstances we find ourselves in to either become more hardened and afraid or develop Bodhichitta; a direction and an orientation in becoming more present and soft. She also relates that the development of Bodhichitta is a ongoing process that leads us to confront the places that scare us. The road to this ongoing conversion is one of "matri" or LovingKindness not only for other sentient beings but also towards ourselves. Ultimately, everything that occurs to us can be used for good. The image that comes to mind is the one in which we find whatever is left in the pantry (be it canned vegetables or pasta or some leftovers) and turning all of these
into a delicious meal.

Instead of fear what begins to arise is a sense of curiosity for how things work in the world.
We then can become mindful to pain, confusion and uncertainty. All of these years of chaos begin to take a mark of a crazy kind of Wisdom.

2006-01-01T21:17:00.000-08:00